Family – Page 2 – Mikey He Writes It

Jett the Bold: From Cautious To Confident

It’s the early morning of January 17th, 2025, and my head cold won’t let me sleep. As my snotty tissues pile up by my bedside, my mind wanders to memories with my son.

“It’s not every day you’re young man turns 11” -Hagrid

Yes, it’s my son’s birthday today. And rather than subject my sleeping wife to a trumpeting elephant, I thought I’d come downstairs and write down a few thoughts about Jett.

What a tremendous love I have for this boy. Earlier this week in a post I shared a story about Jett’s last minute hesitation to attend 5th grade camp last year. While that was quite emotional and heart-breaking, watching him dissolve into tears out of fear of leaving his safe place he calls home, at the end of the day, he went to camp and loved it.

The journey from cautious to confident has been the continually unfolding story of Jett’s life. A journey that will only progress as he approaches his teenage years and beyond.

From before he was born, there was a lot of caution surrounding Jett. After several visits to the OBGYN during pregnancy, we were told that Jett didn’t seem to be growing at the same rate of most babies. They were worried about some disease that causes this, the name of which escapes me (and I’m not about to go wake up my wife and ask her right now- I might as well poke a sleeping bear, already sleep deprived from her growling geyser snot gushing husband). While I don’t remember some of the technical details, I do remember feeling concerned. Jett was our 2nd child and we had only been parents to his big sister for a little over a year at this point. For that sister, everything about the birth went fairly smooth (as much as it can for a first time experience, anyways).

As it got closer to the due date in January 2014, out of an abundance of caution, it was recommended that we schedule our son to be induced 2 weeks prior to the due date. So, for the first and only time with our unborn child, we chose a birthday. January 17th, 2014. I guess that took away some nerves about rushing to the hospital, but gave us pause about our sweet son being born healthy and a tad bit early. Many prayers were said at the time for the health and safe arrival of our 1st son.

The birthday came, and after just a few hours in the hospital, my incredible wife gave birth to a beautiful boy. He was so tiny! 5 lbs 5 oz. He got only a few seconds to snuggle with mom until nurses, and myself, noticed that he was starting to turn blue. They pulled him out of the room and put him on some oxygen. I tagged along with baby boy.

We were reassured by doctors and nurses that he was going to be just fine, and that he may need a few days in the NICU to make sure it continued that way. So that’s what we did. We basically hung out at the hospital for a few days, while our tiny infant son lay in the NICU, with his cool shades and jaundiced skin chilling under some bilirubin lights. Of course we went in as often as we could to hold him, feed him, and admire him. Whatever disease concerns there were that resulted in our baby boy’s size, were quickly tested for and dismissed. He was a perfectly healthy tiny baby boy.

With all of our children, my wife and I had generated lists of potential names we liked, but we always felt we needed to see their faces and test the names out. I’m sure I have my list still somewhere, but it doesn’t matter. The only name that suited him, was Jett.

I had never heard the name before my wife mentioned it, and while it is still fairly unique, I’ve since met many other Jett’s over the past 11 years.

But there’s nobody quite like our Jett.

Soon after he turned one, we bought a toddler toy basketball hoop with little basketballs he could hold and throw. He figured out how to throw the ball into the basket pretty quickly, and was quite good, if I do say so myself. We would spend hours sitting in the family room playing with those basketballs. Like most boys, he loved any kind of ball. My wife would walk him through the grocery store and he would point at the different spherical shaped produce and yell excitedly “Ball! Ball!” It was a sign of his future love of sports and his natural athleticism.

Sometime before Jett turned 2, an unexpected challenge surfaced as he started to grow a clinging attachment to me. He always wanted me to hold him. Constantly. It became quite an annoyance that if we ever went anywhere and did anything, I was always holding Jett. If there was some party or gathering with friends, you’d find me off in a corner holding and entertaining Jett. If I were asked to give some talk or sing in church, the second I would stand up and walk to the front, he would scream and cry for me. For a while, as part of a church calling, I had to attend other wards on Sunday, some of them out on the San Juan Islands in Washington State, so Jett was my little traveling buddy and we’d spend the day together riding ferry boats. At the time, it was a struggle having Jett constantly holding my side. Now, of course, I look back with fondness at all the time we got to spend together. I sure miss my crying, clinging, cautious, baby boy.

Caution. Jett was always very cautious. In 2015, a Pixar movie came out called “The Good Dinosaur,” If you’ve seen the movie, the main character, a young dinosaur named Arlo, timid and nervous by nature, was a perfect description of our sweet son. We may have even called Jett our little Arlo for a little while. With anything Jett tried or did, he was always cautious. Often scared. It was difficult to get him to do anything he hadn’t done before without a lot of smiling encouragement from mom, dad, or cousins and friends his age. And even then, he was often the only one that wouldn’t do something if he didn’t want to.

In 2017 we went on a trip to Disneyland. At age 3, there weren’t many rides Jett could do or wanted to do. We thought that the Tow-Mater truck ride in Cars Land would be perfect. You sit in a little tractor and go around in circles. Nope, he did not like that at all and screamed the entire time. In 2023, another Disneyland trip at age 9, this time with some encouraging cousins, I was able to watch his caution turn to confidence, as he decided to go on the Guardians of the Galaxy (Tower or Terror) ride. I accompanied him and as soon as we sat down on the ride, got strapped in, and started to move, all of a sudden Jett decided he did not want to be there. Unfortunately it was too late to do anything about it, and for the next few minutes I sat, holding my screaming and terrified son, and we dropped several stories over and over. My heart ached as my son was forced to endure what probably seemed like torture at the time. However, as we exited the ride and the crying ceased, his cousins approached and asked him how he liked it. He was honest and said he didn’t like it, but I could see a hint of a smile on his face, somewhat proud of himself for overcoming something difficult.

Over these past few years, I’ve watched Jett grow into a bold kid. He will still approach what he wants to do with caution, but all it takes is a little taste of success or realization of enjoyment, and it’s like a switch that flips in his head. All of a sudden, he’s the most confident kid you’ll ever meet.

In 2021, we decided to get Jett involved in flag football. I had never played football (besides elementary school recess and yearly turkey bowl events), but we enjoyed watching it together. I’ll never forget the first time he played. I wasn’t sure what to expect. At age 7, I imagined the rules of football would be complicated. Jett’s team had a few practices to get themselves organized, and then all of a sudden it was game time! In his very first game, within the first few minutes, Jett was handed the ball and he took off for a touchdown. I got it all on camera.

I was somewhat shocked! Where did that come from? All caution thrown to the wind, and there was this confident kid striding down the field like a pro! I know it’s just a kids game and I’m absolutely an over-enthusiastic yelling parent, but in that moment it was less about the points he scored and more about the boost of confidence I could see in his face. He was good at this. And he showed it over and over again throughout the season.

Since then I’ve watch Jett excel in flag football, soccer, basketball, and pretty much anything involving a ball, his 1 year old toddler love of balls perfectly foreshadowing the atmosphere of confidence and competence in any sporting activity he touches.

As much as I could go on and on about Jett and his boldness in sports, I’ve also seen him grow from caution to confidence in other ways. I’ve watched him make new friends, learn new hobbies like drawing, piano playing, and taking on the Rubik’s cube, and I’ve witnessed him fearlessly try many other new things as they come. He may not like the new things he tries sometimes, and he might even still be somewhat cautious at first, but his tenacity and determination once he has found something he enjoys, is unmatched.

Still inside this bold kid of mine is a tender heart, an anxious desire for home and peace. Inside this hilarious kid of mine is a stand up comedian, a scholar, an always on time hard worker. Inside this sweet kid of mine is a loving brother, a kind son, and a dependable friend.

I’m so lucky to have him as my son. He keeps me on my toes. Always asks to play with me. Always wants to be active and moving. Just like I look back and think about the kid Jett has been til now, wishing it lasted longer, I know I’ll look back again in a few years at the young man he is now, and wish I had the ability to slow time down. To stretch out every moment of throwing a football, watching him play soccer, chatting in the car, playing Rocket League together, or reading Harry Potter to him at night.

I firmly believe that there’s nothing more fulfilling in life than being a parent, especially to a wonderful, amazing, bold, cautiously confident child, like Jett.

The bold journey of cautious to confident is an ongoing one. We all have different levels of caution. Some of us enjoy throwing it to the wind, others cling to it for dear life. But somewhere in there is growth, learning, self-confidence, and happiness, and as we all embark on this journey differently, keep in mind that caution keeps us grounded, confidence gives us wings, and both are needed for a safe journey into the bold.

Happy Birthday buddy.

Asking Questions: How To Level Up In Life

“Can I ask you a question?” -Taylor Swift

Occasionally as a family, we get together in a “quiet” (just go with it for a second) setting like our living room, and attempt to sit calmly (haha) on the couch to have a little family pow wow. Sometimes we’ll watch a quick spiritual video of some kind, or we’ll read scriptures, or sometimes just discuss what’s going on with everybody that week.

When I say a few minutes, it really is a few minutes before the kids start throwing couch pillows, sitting on each others faces, or laughing uncontrollably at something someone said which all turns into wrestling on the floor.

Sounds crazy, I know… 🙂

Every now and then, unprovoked by my wife and I, we’ll get some genuine comments and questions from the kids. I love it when it happens because it means that our home has become, at least in that tiny moment, a place where our child can feel comfortable speaking his mind and being vulnerable enough to ask sincere questions from his heart.

Our son Jett, who just happens to be turning 11 this week, is an amazing boy. He doesn’t often speak his mind or show sincere emotion, but when he does, you know it’s real.

I’ll give a quick example. At the beginning of this last school year, Jett and his fellow 5th graders were getting ready to go to 5th grade camp. They would be gone for several days, camping in cabins with their classmates and school teachers. Jett was excited to go, and didn’t show any hesitation at all. We got everything packed up, and the morning of the first day, as we were about to head out the door to drop him off at the school with all of his camping gear, something inside him unleashed. Something he hadn’t even hinted towards, and my wife and I were somewhat surprised at what was going on. He was in tears as he told us over and over that he didn’t want to go. That he was scared. That he didn’t want to be away from home without us. That home was where he felt safe, and he didn’t want to leave that. We had no idea he was feeling this way. And it was true, as a 10 year old boy, he had never spent the night anywhere else without us, or some immediate family member that he knew and trusted. This would be the first time he would be “on his own” for several nights in a row in a strange new place.

Long story short, after some emotional and difficult conversations, while sitting on the curb outside the school with all of the other kids on the buses ready to go, and with some strong encouragement to him on my part, he ended up going. Of course, he had a blast and was glad he went, as were we.

The reason I share that quick story is to speak to Jett’s tender heart. While he keeps getting older and is becoming more and more guarded against his parents, and less willing to share his true feelings with us, he’s still got a soft spot for his safe place he calls home.

Ok, back to our family pow wow. I can’t even remember exactly what we were discussing at the time, but whatever it was, Jett decided to ask: “How do I even know that what you’re saying is true? What if you’re just making it up? How do we know what anybody says about anything is true? Any story that anyone tells about something else, or somebody else who isn’t alive anymore, or that happened a long time ago, how can we actually know if it happened or not? People could just be making things up.”

I had to take a minute as I realized my son was not just making jokes and being silly, he was sincere. He was speaking about real concerns from his heart. I don’t know that I gave him a very good answer in the moment, I probably said something about how the Gift of the Holy Ghost helps us know the truth of all things, and the only way we can know truth is by learning, studying, and prayer. At least that’s been my experience.

But more than my answers, I was fascinated and pleased at the wonderful questions my son was asking. I have no idea what prompted them, but in that moment I was proud that he felt the need to ask, that he felt home was a safe space in that moment to open up.

This prompted me to think about the importance of asking questions.

Video Games

Have you ever played a role player game? My son Jett loves this game called The Legend of Zelda. I’ve watched him play, and it’s really quite fun. It’s essentially a story that you get to play out. There are missions to accomplish, items you need to collect, and enemies you need to thwart. It’s an open world game where you can pretty much go anywhere you want. If you really wanted, you could wander around aimlessly for hours.

However, if you’d like to actually progress through the story of the game, you need to interact with the NPC’s, the Non-Player Characters. These characters can be quest-givers, vendors, companions, or even enemies. These interactions contain a lot of questions. Questions posed by the NPC, or by your character, something to help guide you on your way and dropping little hints for whatever you need to do next. By interacting with these NPC’s, you then discover clues about what you need to do next and where you need to go.

Simply said, asking questions is how you level up. It’s how you learn. It’s how you discover things you otherwise might not have noticed or thought about. And the more questions you have, the better you can progress. Until eventually, you beat the game.

I’ll be honest, I don’t have a lot of patience with these kinds of video games. I find myself too often wandering aimlessly trying to figure things out myself before I end up getting stuck, frustrated, and just quit.

Yikes am I relating video games to life? I guess video games can actually be helpful. I can see my wife rolling her eyes at the notion… (by the way, the only reason I know anything about the rules of football is because of Madden ‘94 on the Super Nintendo)

Ask Questions

I’m sure we’ve all been in this scenario, I know I have a hundred times: Usually a school or a work setting. Somebody opens up an opportunity to ask questions about a topic. In my brain, tons of questions are firing off, whether from a lack of understanding or paying attention or a desire to discuss more, I have questions… but I say nothing. I hold my tongue. I wait to see if maybe somebody else in the room will ask the question I have. I’m embarrassed to ask the question. Although I look around the room, and I get the sense that other people have the same concern or question, I still don’t want to put myself out there. I’d rather stay silent than give myself an opportunity to learn. Finally, some brave soul does decide to ask the question and I’m glad that I didn’t have to put myself out there. I sure would have felt stupid asking that question, and now I could pretend like everyone else that I knew the answer the whole time.

Yet there is something admirable in that person who asked the question. They understood how to level up and just needed to ask.

What’s the best way to behave on a first date?

Ask questions.

What’s the best way to sell a product or service?

Ask questions.

What’s the best way to understand and connect with your spouse?

Ask questions.

What’s the best way to understand anything you don’t understand?

Duh, ask questions. (Side note: Those last 2 questions are in no way connected…)

I don’t know why we are so afraid to ask questions sometimes. To put ourselves out there and be vulnerable just for a minute. To not care how people might judge us because there’s something we don’t understand.

Questions are like a secret super power to getting through life. A hidden key to unlock an unseen door. A tool that if used correctly and sincerely, can chisel and shape you and the people you talk to into stronger, more capable and connected versions of yourselves. You might even reveal truths and life experiences that were before hidden in plain sight. And you might empower someone within ear shot who maybe isn’t quite ready to ask questions, or be vulnerable, but is now one step closer to leveling themselves up.

Don’t you love it when somebody asks you questions? When somebody wants to know how you’re doing, and engages with you in conversation about your life? It feels good. It’s fulfilling. And when you also respond with questions, and allow others to open up, it creates this open environment where people can build a connection.

As the great philosopher of our time, Taylor Swift, has said (or rather, sang- from her Midnights album): “…it’s just a question.”

It’s all easier said than done. Myself included.

And once again, I’m glad I have my children in my life to remind me of the simple importance of just asking questions.

🎵 Ba da da da da da daaaaa da da da daaaaaaa 🎵 (to the tune of Super Mario finishing a level)

The Most Important Step A Man Can Take

“I have found, through painful experience, that the most important step a person can take is always the next one.” -Dalinar Kholin, Oathbringer

If you’ve read Brandon Sanderson’s third installment of “The Stormlight Archives,” those words are not only familiar, but memorable. Impactful. Inspiring.

Especially for me.

Oathbringer

In 2024, I ventured for the first time into the Cosmere- the high fantasy universe of Brandon Sanderson. I started with the “Mistborn” trilogy and now I’m halfway through the five-book series of “The Stormlight Archives.”

It’s possible I’m a little late to the party, but I have never read anything like it. The world building is intense and incomparable. The magic systems are fascinating and original. But most of all, the characters and their journeys are powerful and relatable. Brandon Sanderson knows how to tell a hell of a story.

I’ll admit I was hesitant to rove into these books initially because I had been warned of their intensity and vastness. But I’m a reader, I enjoy a good story, and I was sure I could handle it. Or so I said to myself. And more than anything I trusted my Sanderson advisor and navigator and took her at her word that the experience, the commitment, and the journey would be worth it.

After all, journey before destination, right?

Without spoiling any plot points, I’ll simply state that one of the titular characters of “Oathbringer,” Dalinar Kholin, is struggling with a lot of pain from his past. Pain that he caused from difficult choices he made and has been tormented with for years. This pain seems to be more than he can bear, and he is not sure he can live with it. To dull the pain, he looses himself in the thrill of war and the drink.

He’s a soldier, a warrior, a leader. He’s a friend, a husband, a father. He bears an enormous responsibility for uniting the world in which he lives. And he is haunted and tortured by his past. He believes that his past, his pain, will always get in the way of who he is and what he is meant to accomplish.

So at one pivotal point in the story, he is offered an opportunity to have his pain removed. To have someone else bear the thing that is holding him back. To allow him to become who he is destined to become. All he has to do is succumb to the offer to give that pain to someone else, and it will all go away. He’ll be free of it.

He courageously refuses. He declares that his pain is his, and nobody else can have it.

This is I believe the culminating statement statement and message of the book:

“A journey will have pain and failure. It is not only the steps forward that we must accept. It is the stumbles. The trials. The knowledge that we will fail. That we will hurt those around us. But if we stop, if we accept the person we are when we fall, the journey ends. That failure becomes our destination. To love the journey is to accept no such end. I have found, through painful experience, that the most important step a person can take is always the next one.”

It’s difficult to put into words the effect that this statement, and this story, has had on me. But here I am giving it a try.

Unemployment

2024 was a tough year for me. While I’m always someone who tends to look on the bright side and squint my eyes through the mists of pain around me in search of a silver lining, I’ll admit that last year, perhaps more than I ever have before, my squinted eyes closed on more than one occasion and those silver linings just weren’t bright enough to see.

The resulting inner turmoil and pain, while not literally relatable to Dalinar Khonlin’s experience of war and nobility, was enough for me to also question my own purpose, fulfillment, and sense of accomplishment.

At the beginning of 2024, we decided to move. There were certain needs and struggles we were experiencing as a family, and we felt impressed, inspired even, to pick up, move, and settle in a new place. Up until then, I had a great job and career path that was very promising, exciting, and fulfilling. I may not have always loved my job, but I felt valued, needed, and more importantly I felt I was fulfilling my duty as a father to provide for my family, something that has always brought me great happiness. Caring for my family is and has always been my number one priority.

Not long after we moved to a new area, we bought a house, we got settled, and we were feeling pretty good about things, aaaaand… then I found myself for the first time in my life…

…unemployed.

One of my greatest fears was realized. My principal role of being able to provide for my family was now in jeopardy.

I spent a lot of last year unemployed, and it was not a good feeling. Now I’ll be the first to tell anyone that there are more important things than money, and it’s true, but when you suddenly have zero income, money all of a sudden becomes extremely important. It becomes what you think about constantly. You start dreaming up creative ways to earn money. You start wondering why you ever spent any money ever on anything. And you start worrying as you watch your savings account start to dwindle and die an unexpected and pitiful quick death.

Loss of Purpose

But more important than the money, I felt I had lost my purpose. I am the provider. I have a family to care for. They depend on me, and all of a sudden I was undependable. Who was I as a father and a husband if I wasn’t taking care of the essential needs of my family? I had hung so much weight of my self-worth on being able to provide them, and now that worth was financially and figuratively, less.

I know there are many out there who have suffered through unemployment longer that I have, and perhaps on multiple occasions. For me, this was my first time. It was a new experience. And for a while, I was at a loss. I was naive and thought I would snag another job easily in a few weeks time. I took a lot of first steps, mainly hundreds of job applications. However, one month and a few interviews later, nothing came of it. It was very discouraging. I was dedicating nearly all of my time to job hunting. And I hated being home in the middle of the day on a weekday. There was just something off about that. I didn’t belong there, like a puzzle piece in the wrong box.

But I wasn’t going to just sit around. I couldn’t. I had to continue to take the next steps. More job applications, working on my side business, working temp jobs here and there, and even Door Dash. We entered what many have called, survivor mode.

Journey Before Destination

Now I’d love to say that after so much time, after all those next steps, it all worked out, I’ve got a great job now and everything’s great! But this isn’t that kind of story. And it’s also kind of the point.

Perhaps I used to have the mindset that if I could just accomplish X or achieve Y, that I’d reach this euphoric landing place in life where pain subdues, failure doesn’t exist, feelings of worthlessness would be gone, and happiness glows in abundance. That this seemingly miserable journey would be over and I could enjoy the carefree bliss of this distant bright destination. And once I got there, I could ultimately, finally, enjoy life.

It’s a lie. It’s always been a lie. No such place exists, at least not in this life, and I suspect as well in the life to come.

Journey before destination. There’s an eternal principle in there.

I have felt like a failure on so many levels over the past year. That failure has brought pain and a lot of it. But it’s my pain. Nobody can have it. I need it. It’s my fuel to keep going. I take great comfort in the worlds of Dalinar Kholin: “But if we stop, if we accept the person we are when we fall, the journey ends. That failure becomes our destination.”

I don’t accept that. I CAN’T accept that. I may not have the weight of an entire kingdom on my shoulders, but I’ve got something better, something more motivating for me: A family who means everything in the world to me.

I’m still in the thick of it. It’s still painful. It’s not over. But it will never be over. One year from now, five years from now, or twenty years from now, there will be different painful experiences and always a next step to take.

And the most important step I can take is always the next one.